“The most disturbing book I have ever read, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.” –Rosaria Butterfield

Published on December 7, 2019 by Benjamin J. Montoya

Christian Focus, 2019 | 240 pages

“The most disturbing book I have ever read, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.” –Rosaria Butterfield


I think there is real hope to be found, in the middle of our deepest traumas, in the good news about Jesus Christ. I also think that there is a place for us to find hope and community within the church. Because of these two beliefs, I truly think, distant though it may be, that we may even get to a place of peace within our souls and a place of forgiveness for those who hurt us so much.

This is a book that has no easy answers and will offer none. This is a book that tries to get behind the tough questions of why God permits such abuses to occur in this world. Using his own story of childhood abuse, Mez McConnell tells us about a God who is just, sovereign and loving. A good father who knows the pain of rejection and abuse, who hates evil, who can bring hope even in the darkest place.


About the Author:

Mez McConnell is the pastor for Niddrie Community Church, near Edinburgh. He is also the Director of 20schemes which is dedicated to revitalising and planting gospel churches in Scotland’s poorest communities. Previously he was a missionary with street kids in Brazil. He is married and has two children.



“This is the most disturbing book that I have ever read, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. ”

Rosaria Butterfield

Author of ‘The Gospel Comes with a House Key’ and ‘The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert’

“This book is heart–wrenching but necessary. It applies the gospel in the worst of contexts and demonstrates its power to save and restore. It is written for those who are hurting and for those who long to minister to them. These pages are void of whitewash, trite answers and cliché, but full of the gospel!”

Paul Washer

President, Heart Cry Ministry, Radford, Virginia

“Raw. Real. Redemptive. The story of Mez McConnell’s childhood abuse, interestingly, neither centres on himself or his tormentors, but rather on God’s good and sovereign providence, and a suffering Saviour who gave himself for Mez, and all who trust in him. It could have been just crushing, but instead it is filled with hope.”

Ligon Duncan

Chancellor and CEO, Reformed Theological Seminary

“It’s been said that we’re all ‘soaked with the sense of exile’ and long for restored Eden. The hope for the abused and the abuser alike is in Jesus Christ who is indeed making all things new (Rev. 21:5). Born of unimaginable pain, this book will surely be a gospel balm to many.”

Chris Larson

President and CEO of Ligonier Ministries, Orlando, Florida

“Painfully raw and profoundly helpful, this is a book that speaks into the depths of our darkness and offers extraordinary hope for both the abused and the abusers. If you feel ashamed, hopeless and bitter – or you know someone who does – you must read this.”

Michael Reeves

President and Professor of Theology, Union School of Theology, Oxford, England

“Mez writes with courage and compassion. The courage to tell his painful story. And compassion to point us to the place of healing. Read the book and expect to be shocked with depravity and deliverance.”

Erik Raymond

Senior Pastor, Redeemer Fellowship Church, Boston, Massachusetts

“… a painfully raw, sweetly pastoral, and deeply theological word to those who have suffered abuse. This is a book that will speak to the hearts of many, and that will also open the hearts of many to understand the ravages of abuse and the healing power of the Saviour. You don’t just read this book; you experience it.”

Greg Gilbert

Senior Pastor, Third Avenue Baptist Church, Louisville, Kentucky, Author of What is the Gospel?

“Never have I experienced a book that is for the abused and abuser; the victimized and the tormentor. And the power of the gospel being the answer for all. Stunningly accessible and beautifully written, this book is sure to be a healing balm to the soul of many abuse survivors and a defining book for a generation.”

Brian Croft

Pastor, Auburndale Baptist Church and Senior Fellow of the Mathena Center for Church Revitalization at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, Kentucky

“… the hero of the book is not Mez or some nice person or the social gospel: It’s doctrine, including God’s sovereignty and Christ’s atonement. … Those who have hit bottom need not soothing words but the hard Gospel truths of sin and deliverance. ”

Marvin Olasky

Editor in Chief, World Magazine

“Mez McConnell is bold and brash, is a powerful preacher and he leads an exciting work among the under–served peoples in the hard places of our cities and communities. He is theologically astute and one would be well advised not to underestimate his wisdom. He is also brutally honest – honest about his own past and honest about his present nightmares. That he has become the man he is today is a tribute to the grace of God at work in him. This book not only tells his story, it gives us clear strategies for identifying abuse when it happens and what steps to take to intervene. All of us will learn from the deep life lessons found here. I am profoundly grateful to know him and for his courage to speak out. To God be the glory.”

Liam Goligher

Senior Minister, Tenth Presbyterian Church, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

“The Creaking On The Stairs is a relentlessly evangelistic book. If you struggle to imagine a good God due to past abuse, Mez wants you to know you are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are deeply loved. He can testify to that firsthand.”

Matt Smethurst

Managing Editor, The Gospel Coalition

“… a deeply personal, gut–wrenchingly candid account of his own struggle with bitter emotions and smouldering resentment. Writing with unvarnished honesty, he describes the conflict between righteous anger and forgiveness—and he points the way to liberty and triumph in the grace of God.”

Phillip R. Johnson

Executive Director, Grace to You Ministries, Sun Valley, California

Buy the books


Christian Focus, 2019 | 240 pages

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